Cough
by momogo7
Summary: Sasuke has returned and he needs a physical. sassaku, slightly hinted nejiten and shikaino. rated m for lots of language and hormones? o.O DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN NARUTO
1. Chapter 1

Holy flying chopsticks, Batman! I forgot a disclaimer! I don't own Naruto or any related to Naruto. :3 but i wish i did!

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As I promised Naruto, I have returned; I'm home.

I received a warmer "welcome home" than I expected.

Naruto treated me to ramen then challenged me to a fight, Neji "hn"ed me while Tenten waved hello from his arm as they walked by, Shikamaru mumbled a troublesome and followed by a "Welcome back" after being elbowed in the gut by his girlfriend Ino who smiled and waved at me enthusiastically, and even Kakashi stopped by the ramen stand to give me a fatherly squeeze on the shoulder.

Everyone seemed glad with my return, everyone that is, except Sakura.

I thought that she would run up and hug me, but the second she saw me at the stand with Naruto, she stopped to stare at me for a good second then just turned around and left with what I believe was a slight blush on her face. Hn. Wonder what's her problem.

Tsunade asked to see me. I was of course expecting this; in fact I was surprised that she hadn't sent ANBU after me the second I walked in to Konoha. It was rather boring; she went on and on about how I will be under surveillance, and how I can't do this and that.

Finally as I was reaching for the door she said, "One last thing, Uchiha. You need to report to the hospital immediately."

I turned around to look at her with one eyebrow arched.

"Why?"

"I think it's about time you had a physical."


	2. Chapter 2

I've always hate going to the hospitals, especially now. Everyone's starring at me.

Hn. How annoying.

"Uchiha Sasuke. Which room?" I ask a nurse at the front desk.

My answer: silence with a wide-eyed stare followed by hearts in her eyes. Fuck.

"Which. room. am. I. suppose. to. be. in?"

"Oh, um, hold on a sec, um, hehe, uh, room 207?"

Finally. I turn and make my way to the elevator without saying thanks to the stupid nurse.

I punched the up button for the elevator, crossing my arms and glaring at anyone who even thinks about joining me in my elevator. Finally the door opens. I step in and press the button for floor two. The door is almost closed when a petite creamy hand is shoved in the way. Dammit. Who the fuck…

"Can you hold th…"

Haruno Sakura. And now she's just standing there gaping like an idiot.

"Sakura. Either remove your hand or get in the elevator."

"Oh, right," she says as she slips into the elevator.

I glance out of the corner of my eye to see her staring straight ahead, afraid to look at me. She keeps sifting her weight from side to side and she's clutching her clipboard to her chest.

Hmm, speaking of her chest… since when did Sakura have those? Now that I look at her, she has changed, matured. And her ass…

"Sasuke, please stop starring at my ass."

I quickly snap my gaze to the metal doors in front of me. The elevator stops and those suddenly extremely interesting metal doors open. Sakura stomps out and turns down the hall to the left. I stand there in the elevator for a bit before making my way to room 207 down the hall in the opposite direction.

Sitting on the uncomfortable table, a nurse finally comes in after waiting for five fucking minutes. Tch. I could have beaten Naruto in spar in that time.

The nurse, who is old and thankfully not interested me, takes my temperature and goes over my chart to see what shots I'll need, the routine shit.

"Alright, the doctor will be in shortly," she says as she walks to the door.

Another ten minutes goes by. Christ, when is this ass going to show up? Finally the door opens revealing my doctor.

Sakura.

Ah fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

Sonovabitch. Why couldn't I have another doctor? Even Tsunade would be better than her.

Then again, I could use this as an opportunity to fuck with her…

Damn! He's smirking at me! Why did I have to be assigned to him! Tsunade knows how awkward I feel around him! I mean he _did_ reject my love and all… ugh! That old hag!

What am I thinking? I can do this! I'm a professional! I can handle this!

"Ok Sasuke, your blood pressure is 74 over 120, which is pretty good, and your temperature is relatively normal at 97.9," HA! I _knew_ he was a cold-hearted bastard!

"Right, so let's start with listening to your heart!"

"Hn."

"Right, so, you're going to have to remove your shirt for me."

"No."

"What?"

"I don't want to. You do it."

"NANI!"

"I want you to remove my shirt."

Oh that bastard! He's fucking with me! And I'm blushing! GRRR!!! I'll…

"Did you just growl at me?"

"… I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, if you aren't going to remove your shirt, I guess I have to, ne?"

"Hn." I'll take that as a yes

"Turn around." Waiting until he his back was facing me, I reached into my right pocket producing my pair of scissors.

_RRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!!_

"Sakura."

"Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

"You owe me a new shirt."


	4. Chapter 4

Out of fear that more of my property could be damaged, I've tried to make the rest of my physical as uneventful as possible. Seems to have worked, we should be done soon.

"Ano, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"There's, um, one more, uh, _thing_ I have to check."

Shit. She looks nervous, and she's blushing again.

"What?"

"W-well…" Fuck, she's stuttering like Hinata. This can't be good.

"Spit it out Sakura."

Silence.

Oh my god! This is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me! He's going to think I'm a perv! What if he thinks that I'm as pervy as Kakashi, or worse Jiraiya! Shit! This isn't good!

"I'm waiting Sakura."

Deep breathes, Sakura, deep breathes. It's nothing really, I've done this a million times before, I can do this, I'm a professional. A PROFESSIONAL!

"Sakura."

I CAN'T! I'M GOING TO DIE!

Tch. What's wrong with her? Now she looks like a tomato… a ripe one…

Must focus.

"Sakura. I've better things to do, so just do the damn test already."

_sigh_

"Fine."

"Sasuke, drop your pants and cough."

* * *

Sorry that it's short, but I really wanted to get it out of my system while it was still fresh on my mind. Anywho, I think I might end it here… I don't want to drag it out and it's a nice little "supply your own ending." But I _guess_ that if lots of people wanted more, I could expand it a bit… hmm. Get back to me!

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	5. Chapter 5

"W-wh-h-t?!" I sputtered. I can't believe that I, the great Uchiha Sasuke, sputtered. Fuck, I can even feel the heat in my cheeks start to spread towards the tips of my ears. I clear my throat, and then glare hard at Sakura.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't make me repeat myself Sasuke." I think her face is redder than mine. Impressive.

"Look, I know it's embarrassing for you, but…"

"There's no fucking way I'm going to do it. In fact, fuck this shit, I'm leaving."

As I sprint to the door, my escape route is suddenly blocked by Sakura. When the hell did she get so fast? Sonovabitch she's got one arm across the door to prohibit its opening and her other arm is by her side, her hand clenched into a fist. She's looking down, her hair falling in front of her face casting a shadow over her eyes and she's breathing heavily. If I weren't so scared for my life along with my dignity, I would have been extremely turned on… where the fuck that come from?

Shit, she's advancing… must escape…

"Sasuke, I WILL finish this exam, therefore you WILL do as I say. I suggest that you start cooperating with me right fucking now or so help me Kami I will rip of those family jewels of yours and dash all your hopes of resurrecting you clan! Do you unders…"

With speed that would put even the Yellow Flash to shame, I tore off my pants.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh dear sweet Kami, Uchiha Sasuke is standing completely naked in front of me! I think I might faint…

"Sakura."

I never knew he was so big…

"Sakura, the test."

"R-right…"

Hm, I must be impressive, Sakura can barely walk. What the hell? What is she doing with her hand? Is she going to… Surely she isn't…

"Um, Sasuke? Could you, you know, cough?"

Fuck. I can't think with her hand on my dick. This isn't good. All I can think about is how I want to rip of her clothes and…

"Sasuke! Cough dammit!" Man! As if it's not embarrassing enough to actually be performing this exam on him to begin with!

"_Cough, cough._"

"Good." Damn, he's smirking at me and it's so sexy!

"Can't resist me, can you?"

"Stuff it Uchiha."

"Oh come on. We both know that you want me."

"Do not!"

"Then why haven't you let go?" I look down and sure enough I've still got him in my vice-like grip. Shit, he's got a point.

"So how about it?"

"How about what?"

"Resurrecting my clan."

"…I'm not sure I'm following."

"Let's fuck."

Dear Kami! Am I hearing things? Did he just say that we should fuck?!

_Crash! Thud!_

"Uh, Sakura?"

* * *

Really sorry this one's so short, but I just _had_ to end it there. lol. I really don't want to over do it so I think I'm only going to update one more time. Thanks for all the reviews! 


	7. Chapter 7

I can't help but smirk while watching Sakura smooth out her tan pencil skirt all the while buckling up my pants.

"Well, at least we know for certain that your reproductive organs are functional. I was afraid that that sick bastard Orochimaru might have done something to you. That reminds me, I was going to ask you, is he or is he not a child molestor?" That wiped the smirk off my face. Hn, now I can understand why Shikamaru finds women to be so troublesome.

"…"

"He was, wasn't he?"

"…"

"Well? Did he get you?"

"Fuck no."

"Did he try?"

Memories of that fucking snake flash to mind. _Shudders_. Thank Kami for my Sharigan.

"…Yes."

"Really?"

"Sakura, please."

"Right sorry. So anyway, your physical wasn't that bad, was it?"

My smirk comes back anew.

"Hn, I preferred my second exam."

"Yeah, it _was_ great, wasn't it?"

"Hn."

"Hey! The least you could do is have a proper conversation with me after what we just …shared!"

"The weather is nice today."

"SASUKE!"

"What?"

"I said conversation, not small talk!" I love it when she gets pissed. Smiirking, I seem to do that a lot, I cover the few steps between us and wrap my arms around her.

"Fine, let's talk."

"Really Sasuke-kun?"

"Yeah."

"Um, well, okay…" Man, she's the one who wanted to talk; she's not even saying anything. But I like this, me holding her silently; it's comforting. I could get used to this. In fact I want this, everyday from now on.

"Sakura."

"Yes Sasuke-kun?"

"Will you marry me?"

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YEAH! One more chapter to go! Hope you all liked it! 


	8. Chapter 8

After word about Sakura's and my engagement got out, things started to go crazy.

An angry mob made of my admirers raised arms against Sakura and commenced with a surge upon her house. For a whole week she was unable to leave her house.

Finally after being cooped up for to long, Sakura foolishly decided to brave the mob and presented herself to them outside her house alone and unarmed.

She gruesomely strangled and beaten to a bloody pump and dragged through the city by her hair.

She didn't last long, I just wish she had gone more peacefully and I had the time to tell her how much I loved her.

She will forever be in my heart.

I'm just kidding. She didn't die, that would be a horrible way to end our story.

No, it's been two years since that eventful physical which also happens to be our two-year anniversary.

Sakura said yes obviously and we decided that we had waited long enough to be together so we might as well just elope.

It worked out for the best. Tsunade performed the ceremony and Naruto and Kakashi were our two witnesses.

The perfect ceremony; just us and our family.

And now our family is expanding, our first child is due any minute now; the anniversary Sakura could ever give me. I just pray to Kami that if it's a boy it won't have pink hair.

11:58 I hear a wail. We have a son.

The End.

The perfect family.

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I'm done. Sorry it's short, but it's been killing me and I just needed to get it over with. Oh, and the first part? That was how I _was_ going to end it but my sister thought it was awful to end it like that, I thought it would be hilarious bu then I figured I might piss some people off so I decided to be nice! Ne, see ya around! 


End file.
